Update

It's been a while.

Occasionally, over the last week, I've thought to myself some profound thoughts about the boys' homecoming, about caring for children and the challenges therein, and other ramblings. I had some really good ideas for posts. But they usually came to me seconds before I passed out in bed, or in the middle of changing a poopy diaper.

So instead, I'll just post about what's been going on.

Sidebar: I don't know what it is about it, but the "DH/DW/DS/DD" abbreviations annoy the piss out of me. If you don't know, on a LOT of baby/parenting/etc blogs, "DH" is "dear husband", "DD" is "Dear Daughter", etc, as in "I went to the park today with DS and DD. DH stayed home and played Xbox, he missed all the fun!" Don't know what it is, but it just seems like such an affectation, like this would be the same sort of people who would say "widdle" for "little", totally unironically, about anything marginally cute and small. So all of this is a background bit to saying this: I haven't decided how personal I want to be in this blog, so I'll refer to my wife as S.

Now that that's out of the way, I have no idea what I had been thinking. Oh. Yeah, right.

S's mom & grandmother came to visit, coming in Friday & leaving Tuesday; my parents came Tuesday and left Thursday. It has been a hell of a busy week. TONS AND TONS of cleaning and organizing, plus the babies' first doctor's visit, a photography session, and lots and lots and lots of diapers.

The boys are getting hair. I mean, they were born with hair, but it was a very thin coating of wispy hair that mostly clung to their little heads. Now it's starting to fill in and get thickness. They're also starting to develop a third mood besides "sleep" and "Hungry!"; this new mood is "well. THIS is interesting". They're looking around and taking the world in. They're developing coordination between muscles and eyes - not quite to "grab the thing", but getting there. They've also rolled themselves over. This is WAY early for that, and we're really proud of the little guys.

OK, more soon. I've finished my glass of port and I have a dentist appointment in the morning...

BOYS ARE HOME!!!/Time Management

First: The boys came home Monday!!! Such great news.

I've never been great at personal time management. Professionally, I'm pretty good -- I have X to do, and Y hours to do it, and I lay out a plan and we're off to the races. But personally.... Hmm, clean the house or write a witty response on Facebook...hmmmmm.

This has changed so much since the boys came home. I just made a cup of coffee (OMG delicious, btw) that I've been meaning to fix for around 30 hours. Free time comes in slivers and dabs, and can NOT be relied upon. I'm hoping to squeeze in a run tomorrow; we'll see how things go.

I thought I was "having a tough time" balancing triathlon training around the rest of my life. That was NOTHING compared to this. It's a whole new ball game.

Boys are home

It's 1245 am. I'm blogging quietly in the boys' room. There's a white noise generator making a heartbeat sound. Boys are making occasional squeaks & grunts. Exhausted. Sleep can't be postponed.

....and there it is again, stress.

Kitchen is together and looks great (hooray!) ....

...only now I discover that they did not replace the insulation and drywall behind the sink. This means that I have to have a large chunk of this work re-done. Trying not to stress is like trying not to breathe. Even if you can do it for a little while, when you stop trying, it starts again, and it's even more intense than before.

I took a shower Saturday. Was it Saturday? I think it was Saturday.

Continuing to cope with this feeling of just trying to stay right-side-up. Working from home is an amazing boon. I don't know how I'd manage without it. Regarding today's title .... That was Monday; I realized while at the NICU that it had been a while since I'd sprayed off the top layer of gunk. It's gross, I know. But I literally feel like it's a huge luxury to take a shower. Not for the $0.38 in hot water and $0.23 in cleaning products, but because it's a good 20 minutes from "going in dirty" to "coming out dressed and dry"; right now, my priorities are visiting boys, getting work done, sleeping, and (maybe?) working out. So I feel like I'm stealing from my other priorities with anything else.

In happier news, the kitchen is done and looks amazing. Got a new sink - stainless steel - and one of those faucets with the built-in sprayer. It looks SHARP.

What it's like

I am *supposed* to be on a work from home contract. It was supposed to start in early September...then mid September...then several times in October.

It still hasn't started. I'm able to do some work from home and augment that with vacation time, but this is not sustainable.

Here's how I feel:

I'm in a diner. For various reasons, the ONLY thing I can eat on the menu is french fries. But the cook won't turn on the fryer until a couple more people order fries. So I wait. I can't really ask other patrons "Hey, wouldn't you like some fries?" and the cook tells me "Well, the regulars usually come in at 10. They'll order fries." They don't show up. 10 comes, then 11. I eat a couple of packets of crackers. 12 comes and goes. Nobody in the lunch rush orders fries. I eat more crackers. I make a sandwich with crackers, ketchup, and mustard. It's disgusting. I order a glass of water.

I have no control over this decision, and the people who *do* have control have no motivation to hurry.

Meanwhile, I'm sitting at the counter eating goddamn crackers.

Holding them

Today was pretty amazing. I got to hold my babies. Not Kangaroo Care, where they nestle against my chest (which is great and all, but it's 60 very quiet minutes of not moving). This was actually picking up my boys from cribs, holding them, and putting them back.

You never know how much you can appreciate such a simple act.

The boys are doing okay, their head ultrasounds & chest xrays & eye exams came back pretty much normal; their biggest hurdle is the breathing. As soon as they can slow down their breathing, everything else will fall in line.